Bachelor's Party without a bachelor

'Innovation', 'Lateral Thinking' and 'Thinking out of the box' are the latest buzz words in industry. In order to crack any interview or to create impression on boss, peers and subordinates the above words are commonly used (though rarely practiced). Believing that conscious efforts need to be taken in order to think differently, many B-Schools have introduced such subjects in the curriculum. I too believed that innovation happens only with conscious thinking, hard work and efforts. However I was proved wrong on the weekend just after the Diwali festival.

Bachelor’s Party, a trend practiced in western countries is now common in India. Movies like Hangover and JNMD have made it even more popular. Seeing the fun that Hritikh, Farhan and Abhay have during their trip to Spain (which happens to be Abhay’s bachelor party), I and my friend (Kaustubh – 30 years old; just married; working with TechM; Religious; Spiritual; Pure vegetarian, non drinker; non smoker) decided to plan a party for our dear friend Sachin (30 years old; about to get hanged; working with HSBC; Vegetarian; non smoker; possibly non drinker). Knowing the fate that Sachin would be going through (post weeding or is it wedding :) ) we wanted to ensure that this trip of his becomes a memorable one and he has memorable moments to look back during his married life. After a lot of thought and consultation we decided to visit ‘Mumbai - Madh Island’ for the event. Considering the fact that a visit to Mumbai and 'Madh Island' were planned earlier too and had not worked out, we thought that everything would go as per plan and we would have a rocking time (remember in JNMD, there were three friends and their Spain trip too had been cancelled earlier).

We started for Mumbai at around 8 PM. Cool breeze, nice music and friends. WOW. Everything was set for a perfect bachelor’s party. Dancing, Singing and discussions (about what we would be doing in Mumbai) ensured that the drive was smooth and within no time we reached Vashi. Since it would get late for us to reach Mumbai, we decided to have our last meal for the day in Vashi (Center One Food Court – Chinese; cold drinks and Paneer Salsa Wrap). During the meals we kept on discussing about the next day plans. Sachin is a person who tries to live (or rather tries to show to the world that he lives) an ideal/straight life. For him pubs are a taboo and had clearly indicated his desire of not entering a pub or disco. (I really am not sure if he even knows what pubs are). Just to make fun of him, we would talk about arrangements made in Mumbai (Ref.: JNMD – 'Ukraine se thee' scene) to ensure that the bachelors party is truly a bachelor’s party. We would make prank calls to make him feel that the plan is true and not a fake one. Soon we managed to make him believe that the plan was a reality and that there were people waiting in Mumbai to offer us the service. While such discussion was going on, Swati (Sachin’s fiancé – 28/29 years old; working with MSEDCL; emotional; sensitive and in-secured) called up. To add more spice to the fun, we (I and Kaustubh) kept on talking about the plans of visiting disco, drinking alcoholic beverages, etc. As mentioned in Swati’s description, she being an in-secured person believed that the plans were true and we were actually going to spend time as discussed. This resulted in her firing Sachin with volleys of questions and emotional statements. Sachin who was already nervous got disturbed with the statements made by Swati and moreover with the fact that despite knowing Swati’s emotional and in secured nature, we kept on discussing the fictious plan (which he felt was real). What followed later was a true picture of Sachin’s character. For the next 5 minutes there were a sharing of intense statements (argument; quarrel, whatever you call it - of getting down from the car and returning back to Pune; explanation of how sensitive the period before wedding ceremony is; how insensitive you guys are, ‘jyacha jalta tyalach kalta’ etc --- the quarrel is another resemblance to JNMD), followed by a 30 minutes silence. No one spoke with each other (Vashi to Chembur). Noise, of the wind and Car's engine were the only sounds that were heard. Soon Sachin realized that if he did not break the ice, he would be isolated for the remaining trip and would seriously have to think of returning back to Pune. 'Paneer Salsa Wrap' was the ice breaking topic :)

Soon we reached home and spent remaining time playing carom. Till then Sachin had calmed down and everyone had decided to make the argument a part of history. In fact we even laughed on the quarrel. After a couple of hours of carom, Sachin decided to retire (at around 2:30 AM). However I and Kaustubh kept on discussing (Retrospection of the year that is about to pass; resolutions kept/broken; resolutions for the next year etc) till 4 AM. We then felt that it was time for us to sleep as the next day would be activity filled and more exhausting. Zzzzzz...

The next day stated as usual with tea and biscuits. After getting ready, we decided to start our journey towards 'Madh Island' (approximately 45 kms from the place we were). It being a Saturday we were expecting less traffic and hence less travel time. None of us knew the exact route towards the destination however I had a fair idea of where it was located. Travel in Mumbai isn’t an experience that you would like to savor, however fortunately the weather was not bad. Exploring the city through the car and more discussions ensured that travel became even more pleasant. After about 30 kms of travel we reached a place where we needed to start taking guidance from locals. What followed next was hard to digest. The roads started becoming narrower and dirtier. The broad and somewhat glamorous roads of Mumbai disappeared and were replaced by narrow, dirtier and filthier roads. The high rise buildings were replaced by old 2/3 storey buildings. The glamorous shops disappeared and old small shops started being visible. We thought that it would be a small patch connecting the main city to 'Madh Island'. The hope of reaching a destination that would be hot and happening, full of beautiful/attractive girls kept us cheered and motivated. However nothing changed for a lot of time. In fact any change that took place was more depressing. It was hard to believe that this road could take us to a hot and happening place like 'Madh Island' and Aksa beach (the ‘God Tujhse Great Ho’ – ‘tujhe Aksa beach ghumadu aa chalti kya’ fame) However hope keeps a man going. Finally after maneuvering the car for a long time we reached a village called ‘Madh’. The resemblance of the village name with ‘Madh Island’ meant that we were near to our destination. However what we were seeing/experiencing (dirty water, open drainage, dead fishes lying around, foul odor, damaged roads, filthy locals - no offense mean to the locals, etc) was nowhere close to our imagination. On inquiring with a local person we were told that the Madh village itself was our destination. 220 kms of travel to see something that we would have seen in and around Pune !!! No way. There must be something that the local guy must not know. We kept our search going (need not say with enthusiasm and hope of a silver lining) and moved ahead. However nothing could be seen that we were expecting. ‘Things started getting worse. In fact we almost reached the end of the road (surprisingly at the end of the road, there was an L&T office - wonder if any one works there). The place was called ‘Jatti’. The description of the place has made a permanent impact on our minds. No words can describe the experience. Only the ones who visit it get to know the true picture. The most enthusiastic person would get depressed over there. However at the same time we wonder how the locals stay over there.

Nothing was lost yet. We had heard a lot about ‘Aksa beach’. The fact that stars like Salman Khan, Priyanka Chopra had shot a song over there meant that there was something over there to look ahead for. We headed towards the beach. Again hoping for something special to happen, however it was not to be. Aksa beach turned out to be even more pathetic than Dadar chaupati. The 'Girgaum Chaupatti' is more enjoyable than the beach that we saw. At least the Girgaum chaupatti has good stalls were you could have decent food. There was nothing around. Most of the stalls were shut. Even a cup of tea was not available. People were sitting around on the beaches (who were mostly locals) with dull faces and nothing exciting seemed to be happening. Finally we gave up and decided to head towards South Mumbai. But before we could leave the beach there was another experience that we had to enjoy. There was a tea vendor who was ready to serve us tea. We ordered for 2 cups of tea. Before we could drink it, a fly fell in one of the cups. Having told her about the fly in the tea, she readily accepted to serve us another cup. The best was yet to come. To our horror, she removed the fly from the tea and poured the tea back in the tea vessel………We drank the tea, wondering how many flies would she have removed from the tea that we had in our hands. Yucks.

After about 1 hour of travel were back on route towards South Mumbai. Having skipped the breakfast (hoping of a good meal in Madh Island), resulted in hunger pangs. We now had to forget the morning experience and look out for a good restaurant where we could enjoy the afternoon meal (It was 3:30 PM). After giving a lot of thought to the restaurants that we could visit, we finally decided to move towards Dadar and look out for one over there.

As Kaustubh says ‘If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans’. We did the same by having a lot of discussions. When we thought that nothing worse could happen, the un imaginable happened. The incidence broke the sheer back bone of a bachelor party – presence of a bachelor.

Sachin received a call from Swati (from nashik) informing him about the demise of her maternal grandmother. Sachin was shocked with the news and reacted in a very strong manner. The fact that he had interacted with her a couple of days back did not make him believe that Swati’s grandmother had actually passed away. After consoling Swati and requesting her to take care of her parents he in excitement committed (Sachin is known for making commitments without giving any thought) to be there in Nashik. He lost all his interest in the party and suddenly the relation bonding theory took precedence. He lost all his interest in meals and seemed to be inclined in moving towards Nashik. He then called up his mother to inform her about the sad news. The discussions taken place after that may not be suitable to be placed on a public blog. Placing them over here may lead to lot of misunderstandings. Even though, I and Kaustubh felt that it was not totally necessary for Sachin to be there at the site, he was sure that he wanted to be there at any cost and on that day itself. There was something that was pulling him towards Nashik (not sure what was the actual force). After checking the various options available to travel to Nashik (Bus; Train; Local-Jeep and Cool cab), he decided to travel to Nashik via a cool cab (paid Rs 1600 for the full cab, which he borrowed from Kaustubh). As mentioned earlier Sachin’s absence meant that the remaining bachelor’s party had to be enjoyed by 2 married men. One with a child and other in the line.

The main reason of the party had left for Nashik, without even asking us about our opinion and even without thinking what we would feel by his sudden departure. It isn’t that we did not care for Swati’s grandmother or that it did not matter to us. However the manner in which it happened bothered us. We had been to Mumbai for the party in spite of having our own issues. Archana’s (my wife) father had organized a get together that evening to celebrate his birthday. However since Sachin’s party was planned before that and that I had committed to be there, I ignored the get together. Any married man would know what that means. (Jyacha jalta tyalach kalta). Kaustubh’s father was leaving for Uttaranchal the next morning and it meant that Kaustubh and his father would not be meeting each other till Kaustubh returns back from UK (could be 6 months or even a year). However he was there just for Sachin.

There was nothing more that we could do. After dropping Sachin at the Cool cab stop, we visited Phoenix Mall in Lower Parel, walked on Marine drive, had dinner at ‘Pizza – Just by the Bay’ and returned back to our home for the night. The excitement had been lost. Even while on bed there was regret related to the incident that took place. The fact that we were once again taken for granted annoyed us. We wondered if we would ever be able to (even if we wanted to; would our family members willingly approve that) trust him and his commitments. However we decided to take a lesson from it and move ahead. May be this experience was on the cards and bachelors party was just the medium through which it was to be communicated. We woke up at 5 AM and started for Pune. Bringing an end to a very different party.

A bachelor's party without a bachelor, 2 married men and at the most dull, un happening and dirty place in Mumbai would be no less than 'Innovation'/'Lateral Thinking'/'Thinking out of the Box'. No conscious efforts were needed for this innovation to take place. It just happened. Whatever?

This just may be the last bachelor's party we are attending, but it would definitely be a trip that would be carved in our hearts and would remember it for a long long time. After all life is not only about enjoying the good moments, it is also about enjoying (and learning lessons) the bad moments and experiences. If you can do that, you have lived a life or you are just passing time till death arrives.

Article in Newspapaer on 'Pantsachiv' family

An article about 'Pantsachiv' family in 'Sandhyanand'

Live the Tension

Tension seems to be a buzz word in every persons life. From a child in school to an elderly person, everyone seems to be in some sort of tension. Tension about exams, cricket match, not having girl friends,finding girl friends, managing girl friends, financials, health etc seem to be bothering every person. Many times, most of these tensions are self created and not actual things to worry about. Competing with peers and friends for objects not essential in life are at times the causes of these tensions. Like an workaholic, who searches for work, a person used to taking tension, keeps on finding new tensions. He can not think of a life without tension. If there is no tension in his life, he thinks that something is going wrong.

I have friend who was tensed about his marriage process. Circumstances and fate lead to him being worried about the manner in which his bride hunt was processing. Every time I met him, he seemed to being worried about the process and the fact that he was not able to find the right partner. Some or the other obstacles seem to delay his hunt. Most of his day revolved around this activity. Soon he started giving up on the process and did not want to talk about it. May be it was his method of staying away from this anxiety. After a lot of efforts and anxious periods, everything went as per his plan and he got engaged to a girl. Everything went so fast and his engagement date was fixed. The heartening news could not stop me and another dear friend from meeting him on the day. While I felt that everything would be fine and he would be on the seventh sky, it did not turn out to be. He had new sets of tensions cropping up. Now it was about the engagement process and the tension of the fact that everything went so fast. As one set of tensions left him, another set of tension filled up his life. Honestly speaking nor his earlier tensions nor his new tensions were things to be worried about, but the habit of complicating things never goes. On the day of the engagement, after everything went fine, I overheard his mother enquiring to his to be daughter-in-law if the tension about the engagement process had been over. It kept me wondering what the tension could have been. Instead of enjoying the process, it was the tension that seemed to have been bothering the three of them.

As Newton said, mass can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be transformed from one form to another. Tensions would remain in life irrespective of your position, status and age. The form and magnitude of tension varies.
A beggar in the street, is tensed about his daily meals. His life seems to revolve around his daily meals. He feels that if he gets money enough to give his required daily meals, everything would be great. However once that happens he aspires to earn more. This increases the tension. Once he starts earning money he aspires for more and so do his tensions increase. Irrespective of the money that he earns, the tension does not decrease. In fact, the amount of tensions increase. earlier he was worried about earning the money, now he is tensed about investing his money. Many people feel that rich business like Ambani and Tata would have all the happiness in life. however they do not realize the fact that these guys have many more tensions than the poor guy. They have to worry about those millions share holders and lakhs of employees whose family completely depend upon their decisions. Having a feet of cars and helicopters does not guarantee or mean no tension. it just means more and more tension.

A person should be able to distinguish between actual tension and created tension. If he is able to do so, he can focus on the real tensions of his life and try to solve them. Tension needs to be enjoyed and faced as a warrior faces the challenges.

Age limit for drinking

A lot is being said about the Maharashtra state government raising the legal drinking limit to 25 years. A few of them are in favour of it, while the major of them are debating the presence of the rule. I am sure many such debates would have taken place while the rule was being framed and the pros would have out classed the cons.

Like Tobacco, Alcohol production and trading gives a lot of revenue to the state government. Framing of such rule would definitely burn the pockets of the government. They would definitely miss on a lot of revenue which they would have earned through the production and sell of this dangerous product. However the state government should be applauded for coming up with such rule. I am sure they would have compared the potential revenue with the human loss and domestic violence that is caused due to the consumption of this product.

Most of the voices raised till now were from the class who consume alcohol or deal in alcohol. however very few has been heard from the non-drinkers. As a non-drinker, I have always been against the consumption of alcohol. It is not that I am against the high that this product gives you, but it is the domestic violence, early deaths and road accidents that makes be stand against this product.

Lot of people are saying that if the age limit of marriage and voting can be 21 and 18, then why are youngsters being considered immature to drink at the age of 18 or 21. Voting and marriage are not addictions, and to a great extent are necessities of life. Voting rights come into the picture on a very few occasions. They form the government and do not have any direct influence on the voter's right. Though a voter (under 25 years), is impacted by the government that is formed and their policies, he is not directly responsible for this formation. As against voting and marriage, drinking, is a luxury and more dangerously an addiction.

In foreign countries the drinking limit is as low as 16. However the fact that the climatic conditions (cold weather) in most of these countries favour drinking and the youngsters over here mature earlier that Indians do (physically and psychologically) can not be neglected. At the age of 21, an average Indian youngster is still dependent on his parents for his daily bread and other physiological needs. An average American or Russian is already independent at this age and is staying on his own. The weather in Maharashtra is hot and humid and does not require the consumption of alcohol to keep him cool.

Psychology states that a person gets addicted to smoking and drinking mostly before the age of 23. Very few youngsters have taken up drinking and smoking after the age of 23. The influence of peers/friends in this matter, reduces after this age and he/she is in a position to decide what is good for him and what is not. Before the age of 23, a person is highly influenced by his peers and friends. A youngster is in a mid state during this period. He is neither a child nor a man. The psychological and physical changes taking place in him makes him an easier target. The hurry to grow up and reveal his manliness to his friends and girls, results in him taking up drinking and smoking, which unfortunately his thinks is sign of being a man or being cool. If this psychological fact is to be believed, then raising up the drinking limit to 25 would reduce the drinking class substantially. Another reason that goes in favour of the rule.

Irrespective of the pros and cons of the rule, the state government should be applauded for coming up with such bold rule. I am hopeful and positive that many such bold rules would come up against the evils of the society. I am in favour of the implementation of this rule and any father would appreciate it to.